In a stroke of enlightenment while walking on the roads an idea struck me. i was wondering what keeps my friends, my generation from expressing themselves. the main question which troubled me as to why can't friends amongst themselves compliment each other or for that matter even reprimand when going down the wrong lane? Why is it that many times even compliments conceal a tinge of jealousy? Why is that even when we wish a friend of ours good luck and when that good luck rewards the person with some fruit, then that sweet fruit of labor turns us off?
Pondering on this question which occurs in my mind every now and then i finally struck gold! the problem according to me lies in the way children in our country are brought up. When we are toddlers we are asked to recite poems alphabets and what not in front of people to gather praise which we would not get otherwise. When we enter school from the nursery class itself, it is the brilliant boy who garners all the attention leaving behind people who try hard to garner some attention from themselves but are unable to. That sows the first seed of hatred for the brilliant in the minds of the slightly lesser gifted children and contempt for the laggards in the mind of the brilliant students. Now once the seeds are sowed, those seeds act as a dividing bush between those who perform and those who don't. But still this explanation answers some questions but leave out as to why my friends can't compliment each other. the reason is simple. though all of us belonging to a same group are exceptionally brilliant but still we are not equal. the bush which acted as a divide between us brilliant students and the laggards had its small little branches which can create divisions even at micro levels. At the school level a false sense of superiority could be nurtured but at our level where one outshines the other that false sense of superiority can no longer be satisfied. When i entered college i felt that people at the age of 18 would be mature enough to see through this futility of competitiveness which drives people away but strangely enough i have observed that older you grow the sillier you get. maybe thats the reason why people become senile at the age of sixty. why to say best of luck when you don't really mean it? why to say you are my friend when you don't wish to take up any responsibility which comes along with it? why to fake whole relationships which leave behind broken hearts?
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4 comments:
hey... I agree that this jealousy thing is sowed in the person's mindset at a young age. I think parents do not realize that a child should not compete with other children, he/she should compete with him/herself. Everyone should try and remember this always.
I agree with you but there is one thing that bothers me always.. whenever we have certain problems we always say that its the upbringing of a child that makes him wat he is...
but yar we are all humans and this feeling is gonna come in our minds whatever we may do.. it is human nature and i for one don't feel it can be changed much..
@ Varun...
Dude, i just finished the book "Freakonomics" and there was this funda in it that proves with stats what it is not the upbringing of a child that makes him what he is... According to this guy (he's a genius by the way), it is who the parents are, rather than what they do, that makes a child what he is.. Believe it or not, that's what he said
Hi Siddharth,
What does complementing someone mean?
To the giver, it is appreciation of something, and/or something else which I shall come to later.
To the reciever, it is an 'inflation of ego' of a sort. To him, it is assurance that I have done something which someone else likes. Here also there is a different angle that I shall come to.
When there is absence of sanctity in the relationship, then the appreciation from the giver comes along with a desire. A desire to possess the same thing. This is because we humans want the best for us. By nature we are such that we assume that we deserve the best. You agree Appreciating requires courage? Now, when someone does this, he/she thinks that there is something in this world that deserves "MY" liking. This somewhere implies, that there is absence of something(in this case, the object) in his own life leading to acceptanc that he/she doesn't have something enviable/or desirable. Now, when it rolls down to this, then we WANT it, and not every want can be fulfilled. Which brings jealousy/apprehension..whatever.
To the reciever, it is the fact that "I" have been able to create an impact on "someone". Humans, sub-consciously demand/desire importance, the special feeling you know.
I may be no comparison to the genious Siddy is referring to, but I don't think I am what my parents are. Have you ever heard a parent say, that, "Child, I want you to do this and not that, coz we have done that and know what it has in store and we want you to learn from our mistakes".
Yes, there are parents who impose their society on the child, and I feel sad for them. But, with parents who know and realize when they have faltered in their lives, they would bring the difference.
What you wrote is absolutely true, but I don't think if it can't be attributed solely to some elements.
PS: I don't intend to counter your post. Infact, I feel I have digressed. And you may choose to reject this comment(its too long, I know). I have written it so that I can show you a different(perhaps, stupid and irrelevant) angle. Something tells me you wont mind knowing and accepting(if convinced) a different opinion.Ofcourse, I have not been able to answer your question of "WHY".:(
PPS: This is not a personal attack on Siddy's belief. Its just my opinion.
PPPS: This is not about my way of functioning, it is what I have observed.
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